Introduction to Managing and Navigating Strong Feelings

Life is full of peak emotional experiences. While these powerful sentiments can feel overwhelming, the good news is that we all have the capacity to control and manage them. This introductory piece provides an insight into the fundamental principles of emotions and their regulation. In forthcoming articles, we will delve deeper into the nuances of emotional management.

Ever wondered why love can lead us to act on a whim? Or why anger can make you feel like you're a different person altogether? Perhaps you've experienced being engulfed by negativity and pessimism when something has upset you?

The truth of the matter is, these universal experiences aren't always tied to external circumstances; rather, they reflect how we handle our strong emotions. Even though we often attribute emotional responses to matters of the heart, it's the brain that plays a crucial role in driving and controlling these reactions. Though this relationship between the brain and emotion is intricate, this article aims to ease you into the fundamentals of emotional regulation without overwhelming you.

What exactly are emotions?

Emotions are a triad of psychological, physical and behavioural reactions. Picture this: you're engrossed in a horror film, and the protagonist is about to step into a room fraught with danger. Your heart rate quickens, palms get slightly damp, and you find yourself shifting restlessly in your chair, mentally shouting: "Don’t go in there!". These are the physical and behavioural manifestations of the intense emotion you're experiencing – fear.

In a broader sense, emotions are a result of the interplay between cognitive (thoughts) and affective (emotions) processes. These factors are influenced by our environment, personal physical processes, behavioural skills, self-perception, our interpretation of reality, and even schemas.

Are we puppeteers or puppets when it comes to intense emotions?

At times, it feels like our strong emotions seize control, leaving us incapable of rational thought. This overpowering sensation led to the initial perception of emotions as irrational impulses, painting them in a negative light. Later, an evolutionary perspective emerged, viewing emotions as alert signals for situations that demand our attention. This somewhat mitigated the negative stigma. However, even today, some people see the display of strong emotions as a sign of immaturity or lack of self-control.

According to these two perspectives, emotions both regulate and require regulation. They signal important information while necessitating a degree of effort to avoid impulsive reactions. This phenomenon is termed as emotion regulation. When this process is disrupted or ineffective, we refer to it as emotion dysregulation.

Emotion dysregulation happens when emotional patterns disturb our psychological and physical equilibrium. This could occur when sadness spirals into full-blown depression. Dysregulation can manifest as an under or over-regulation of emotion. For instance, children with avoidant attachment style tend to over-regulate intense emotions, hence displaying little reaction to separation from their caregiver. This muted response doesn't mean these children are devoid of feelings, but rather they're suppressing their intense emotions.

Do we inherit emotional regulation from our parents?

Parents play a pivotal role in shaping their child's emotional regulation on several levels. Firstly, consistently invalidating a child's emotions can lead to the development of emotional dysregulation. For example, if parents consistently dismiss or reject their child's emotions, the child learns to view their feelings as inappropriate, leading them to suppress their emotions, creating a pattern of over-regulation.

Secondly, emotional regulation is strongly linked to attachment, which develops within the parent-child relationship. Securely attached children are generally better at emotional regulation and problem-solving than their insecure counterparts, owing to their confidence in exploring their surroundings. In contrast, insecurely attached children are more prone to emotional dysregulation as they didn't feel secure and supported during their formative years.

Moreover, research suggests that parents who struggle with emotional regulation are likely to pass this trait on to their children. The child, in turn, learns and replicates these dysfunctional patterns, resulting in heightened emotional distress.

How can I better regulate my strong emotions?

Researchers have identified three primary techniques for emotional regulation: reappraisal, suppression, and acceptance.

Reappraisal involves reframing our perception of an emotional situation, like finding a positive aspect in a distressing circumstance. For instance, an avoidantly attached individual triggered by their partner's needy behaviour could reinterpret it as a testament of their partner's deep love for them.

Suppression, on the other hand, entails experiencing an emotion but inhibiting its behavioural expression. For example, a disorganised attacher may feel a strong desire for their partner's attention but choose not to act on this need, thus feeling the emotion but refraining from reacting to it.

The pros and cons.

These strategies come with their advantages and disadvantages. Reappraisal can be beneficial in situations where an emotion-driven reaction could be detrimental. For instance, anxious attachers can alleviate their anxiety by considering their partner's delay in replying to their texts as a sign of being preoccupied. However, suppression can be counterproductive if overused, leading to a situation where the partner cannot comprehend the individual's emotional needs. Lastly, acceptance involves acknowledging the intense emotion without attempting to modify or suppress it. This approach, closely linked with mindfulness, can foster resilience and reduce negative affect.

Managing intense emotions is a highly individualised process, ultimately determined by how our brains process daily experiences. We all understand that experiencing intense emotions is a part of life. Thus, the goal isn't to evade these emotions, but to learn to navigate them in a healthy and effective manner.