5 Ways of Tackling Anger and Negative Emotions

In the regular hustle and bustle of life, we're often consumed by the world outside our homes. We're typically reactive to external stimuli, be it the environment, people around us or the hustle of the streets. In our rush, we might lose touch with our own feelings and their origins. Our ability to manage negative emotions are crucial, especially during challenging times. In recent years, major global events had caused many of us to shift our routines. Being confined to our homes and ourselves has become the new normal for many people. Even if you're living with family, your partner, or friends, chances are you've got more alone time than before. This might make you introspect more than you usually would.

Having a source of negative emotions, coupled with the time and space to ruminate on them, could potentially create a storm. Thus, it's critical for us to manage potentially harmful feelings in the most efficient way possible. In the following sections, we'll discuss a few elements of emotional growth, which are not only essential for personal development but also vital for maintaining your well-being during stressful times.

Venting negative emotions, rather than suppressing them, offers health benefits

Emotional suppression, also known as "bottling up feelings", is linked with numerous health risks. Research suggests that those who bottle up feelings are at a higher risk of cancer, heart disease, stroke, and other illnesses. A study by Tamara Kotler and colleagues indicated that emotional control, or the suppression of negative feelings, was the main factor linking stress and physical health. The researchers found that an avoidant attachment style, which involves avoiding emotional expression and intimacy, can be a risk factor for various health issues.

But what if surfacing certain emotions is too painful or overwhelming?

We all experience emotions differently, in both type and intensity. Many of us struggle to manage our emotions. Sometimes we might feel too much, or perhaps too little. It could be that we're generally good at handling emotions, but find specific emotional states challenging to bear. We understand that suppressing feelings isn't healthy, but what if facing our feelings is too painful, unbearable, or challenging?

How is our ability to handle emotions developed during childhood?

According to John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, a child’s early relationship with their caregivers plays a fundamental role in their personal and social development, as well as their ability to handle emotions. Recent research by Kisley and colleagues confirmed the strong correlation between insecure attachment and intolerance of emotions. But how does this link work? And what does attachment theory have to do with our emotional regulation?

Parents who foster securely attached children respond to distress with comforting actions. This comfort – both physical warmth and closeness, and verbal reassurance – significantly impacts the child’s emotional state, making them feel calmer and soothed. By their second year, these children can internalise the comfort provided by their parents. Over time, this internalised sense of comfort becomes part of their mental structure.

As a result, such children don't require their parents to soothe them anymore, as they've learned to evoke this comfort in their minds and soothe themselves. They tend to handle negative emotions much more effectively.

How can adults learn to handle emotions?

Learning to bear uncomfortable emotions is a key aspect of emotional processing. You can't process an emotion if you can't face and accept it. If you have a secure attachment style, you'll likely have fewer difficulties with specific emotional states. However, if you're unsure whether you have the necessary self-comforting skills, there are ways to develop them. Practices like meditation and visualisations can be highly beneficial in developing self-comforting techniques and managing difficult emotions.

Here are 5 ways for managing anger and negative emotions

1. Stay attuned to your emotions. Observe how you handle negative feelings as they begin to build up. Do you suppress your feelings? If so, you might want to reconsider this approach. Do you express your negative feelings? If yes, reflect on your method of expression.

2. Share your frustrations calmly. The key to mitigating toxic communication isn't to suppress your negative feelings. Stay calm and express what made you upset or sad, and why.

3. Own up to your part in the issue. Be honest with yourself. How might you have contributed to the problem?

4. Conclude arguments on a positive note. When you're upset with someone, you might focus on their mistakes and flaws. But is that all you genuinely feel towards this person? Are their flaws all you see in them? Try to express your appreciation of their positive qualities, behaviours, and your relationship as a whole.

5. Embrace forgiveness. We're going through stressful and unprecedented times, and there's enough fear, anxiety, and negativity out there already. Let's not hold grudges and 'take out the rubbish' from our minds. Let's learn to let go of what we're carrying.

The outside world might trigger our negative emotions, but they don't have to live within us. Our emotions are a reflection of our experiences in the world. Denying them means denying a part of ourselves. Perhaps when people have more time to ourselves, we can explore our feelings and get to know our internal world better. We can learn to face uncomfortable emotions, accept them, and process them. Let's work on enhancing our communication in relationships by simply shifting our perspectives. We can also set ourselves free by practising forgiveness.

This might not be easy. It might require lots of practice. But if you find the time and motivation to invest in your emotional growth, you'll undoubtedly reap benefits for both your mental and physical well-being.